I'm not pregnant your just starting school

This picture seems perfect for what I want to write about! Oh my Little Rodney. I cant believe you are starting school in 4 days. I am definitely not a writer, I wish I could have someone who was a better writer write what I want to express to you but I will just have to try to tell you whats in my heart.

You are my little dude. I have always been very protective over you. I think because you remind me so much of daddy. When I met daddy I had to play a game with him where I made him say 5 nice things about himself if he said something bad about himself. You and daddy are very much the same. I constantly try to build you and help you to see how Amazing you are. You have the kindest heart and your Big Brown eyes just melt me.

When you turned 1 you couldn't sit yet so for 2yrs we he had a occupational/physical therapist come and work with you. We also found out that you have some sensory issues. Which meant for you that you choked on everything, threw up a ton, dry heaved if something upset you, sand/grass made you cry, band aids, stickers, haircuts, tags on shirts, changing of seasons (long sleeve to short), you got upset if you had food on your hands/face, tickled too hard you'd cry, water in your face, loud noises, and I'm sure there are a few I'm forgetting.

At the time I was worried you might be autistic. Autism and Sensory problems go together a lot. But you were'nt, you just have an intense out of proportion reaction to (what you feel is) challenging experiences. You get distracted easy and feel insecure a lot. Not to mention you are really tall for your age so everyone always is saying well why cant he do this or that and I feel like his whole life Ive been having to say he is only 2 leave him alone!

You also have low muscle tone. We just got done going to physical therapy because you hated the swings and instead of telling me you were done you just let go and flew off of it and got hurt. None of this is your fault. Your nervous system just gets overloaded and shuts down and you cant handle it. Now You have come a LONG way. All of the things I mentioned you have been able to over come through therapy. This summer you got over water being in your face which was Huge and at the moment you have a severe fear of heights.

Its hard to cuz for a long time you haven't had any real issues so randomly something will pop up and we have to work through it. Its not hard for me, I love you and I have learned how is the best way to help you through it. You squeeze your hand, breathe, and we talk through it. But your my son and I want to help you to be the best you can be. But today we met your teacher for school and I just lost it. I cried sooooo hard. I also cried earlier this week when the physical therapist asked if you were ready for school. When we got home from the school I cried for almost an hr. I felt bad cuz you said I don't want to go to school I want to stay home with you. I told you mommy would be fine I just love my kids and I miss them when they are gone but that school would be Awesome and so fun. I haven't cried this much since I was pregnant, No Im not pregnant you are just going to school!

He got tested at school and there were a few things he knew but he said he didn't know and the test was way harder than when Karlee went to school. So there were a bunch of things he didn't know and he got really quite and whispered "I don't know", I thought he was going to cry. He said he was frustrated he didn't know the answers. I told him they do somethings he knows and somethings he doesn't so that they know what they need to teach him. We also got ice cream afterwards. He is super excited about school. I just have a TON of anxiety because of everything I have been through with him. I see/know that he has come along way. But his teacher wont love him like I do so Ive been worried if she would think he had behavioral problems when its more of a "he needs extra help problem." Its hard not too always see your kids as your little babies. I think that is extra hard for me!

Rodney I am going to miss you while you are at school. But I am super excited for you to learn new things and come home and tell me all about them. I love you so much. I am so excited for you to meet friends that you will have the rest of your life. You are one of the sweetest boys I've ever met. You are going to be an Amazing Husband and Father one day. Daddy and I are so proud of you. You may have to remind us sometimes that you are growing up and thats a good thing. When I got pregnant with you we were in San Francisco and I really needed something good to happen, you were that for me. You always symbolise Hope to me, Hope that it would get better and it did, thank you for that.

This seems like yesterday, they sure do grow up fast!